Time to Get Fit

One thing that has always been a back and forth struggle for me is my health.  I do not take good care of myself.  I generally eat like crap and I rarely work out.  Relating back to how I always make excuses, I have always found one to not take care of myself.

I typically make it through 7 days of the 30 day shred before I give up.  If I get a gym membership I go a few times a week for a month or two and then something gets in the way.  I eat healthy for a little while and then get lazy and it is back to fast food.  The thing about this that is so crazy is that Nick is a championship level athlete.  He has medals and trophies and spends LOTS of time in the gym.

So, it would seem like a logical thing for me to just join the gym with him, right?  That hasn't always been the case.  For one, I am intimidated.  I am not a heavy lifter and have never been that strong.  Yes, I was athletic in high school and college but that was a long time ago.  Thinking about what plan Nick would have me do has me scared.  Secondly, I am insecure.  I worry about looking dumb since I don't really know what I am doing.  And in the vainest fashion, I worry that I won't be wearing the right clothes.  I mean, really? How stupid is that?

So, after talking with Nick, I have joined his gym.  My goal is to feel better and look a little better, too.  An obvious bonus will be that I will get to be involved in something that Nick loves and in the process spend a little more time with him!  So far, I have been everyday since I signed up (so, 2...ha) and Penny LOVES going to the playroom and playing with the toys and the other kids.  I feel good and glad that I am there and my fears have mostly been put to rest.  I am VERY awkward and have a lot to learn but everyone has to start somewhere.

Love is a Verb

Honesty time.  The biggest mess in my life right now is my marriage.  Nick and I have been together for 10 years this March.  Our third wedding anniversary is on Wednesday.  We are hanging by a thread.

I was one of those people who always thought that having children wouldn't change me.  And it certainly wouldn't change my marriage.  I was dead wrong.  When Penny was born, my entire focus in life shifted.  Nothing was about me anymore, and even less was about my marriage.  She became my one and only priority.  I was nursing on demand, following many attachment parenting practices like baby wearing, co-sleeping, and following her schedule lead.  We didn't have a true date night until she was 6 months old, and it was getting away for 2 hours for dinner.  Same goes for me having any sort of Mom's night out.  I went to dinner for 2 hours when she was 6 months old.

During the last 3 years, many things have changed.  Nick became a business owner.  I went back to work.  Nick re-entered the sport of power lifting and began a lifestyle change that comes with being a competitive athlete.  I starting doing things for myself like having nights out with friends and going to visit my family.  In that time, we did not make sure that we had a lot of time together.  We slipped far away from one another into a pattern of hurt and resentment.  I am hoping desperately that we can get back to where we once were.

One thing that I have always done is make excuses.  I say that I am trying but I never just "do".  With the help of a therapist and a whole hell of a lot of self reflection, I have realized what I am able to control, and that is myself.  I need to stop "trying" and start "doing".  I am not perfect.  There are many things that I do that I wish I could change.  In realizing that I truly have the power to change them I can make a difference in our lives.  By working on my messes, I can fix the biggest mess of them all: my marriage.  And, if it doesn't fix itself, at least I can know that I did everything I could to get it back on track.

I am desperate for a routine.

For me, a lack of routine will kill any good intentions that I once had.  I plan to work out, to clean, to make dinner, to read, to call a friend but if I don't have it scheduled it will not happen.  One of the biggest overall changes that I need to make is a routine for myself.  What is going to be the best way to get everything done that I need to and still enjoy my life?  How can I gain back the control of my evenings when I feel like they are beyond hectic?  How can I make time to do things that I currently don't to better myself?

I can do all of these things with a better routine.  Our therapist suggested that I try to figure out whatever routine I need to get things done.  Make a plan and stick to it.  Here is the basic plan that I have come up with.

1. Meal Planning.  This will be the number one thing that I need to work on to make my weeknights and weekends run smoother.  If I know exactly what I need to have on hand and when dinner needs to be started it will save a lot of running around after work.  If I buy what I need based on what I am going to make, it will save me time in the grocery store wandering through aisles.  And, if I plan my meals based on sales, it may even save us a little bit of money in the long run.
2. Having a set dinner time.  Right now, I usually wait to see how things go in the afternoon before I even think about when dinner will be.  Is Penelope extra clingy today? Do we need to go to the grocery store?  Do I need to clean up before I can cook?  From now on, dinner will be at 6 unless we are going out to eat.  This way, I can know exactly how my afternoon has to go when I get home from work.  Nick will know what time we will eat and if he can be home, he will.  If not, then we will sit together when he does get home and dinner will already be made for him.
3. A bedtime routine for Penny.  This is easily my biggest headache right now.  There is no constancy in her bedtime.  Now that I have established when dinner is, it means that her bedtime routine can follow.  Bath at 6:30.  Snuggle and a half a Daniel Tiger at 7.  Books and lights out by 7:30.  Hopefully asleep by 8.
4. A chore chart.  I recently printed out a chore chart and have hung it with my "command center" (more on this another time).  It tells me what I should clean everyday and give me something concrete to see and a list to check off when it is done.  If I do all the things on the list, it will make maintaining easier.  Then, things will be clean when we get home.  I won't have to wash dishes before I make dinner because they will be done already.  This is so important for me.

I know that in many ways it is silly that an adult woman would need this much structure in order to get a handle on her life, but I know myself.  I know that chaos is NOT my friend.  I need to have the stability of a routine and know that I can always expect this.  Will there be days when things change; yes.  And then, I will roll with it. Until then, I will live and die by my new schedule.  Eventually, once I get a handle on the basics, I would love to add things in.  Ideally, I could push dinner back an hour or make something in the crock pot so that I could go to the gym in the afternoon.  We could have a set date night or even have a time every few months where we get away for an overnight.  The big benefit in this new schedule is that I can be calm knowing what is next.  Penny can be calm knowing how her day will go.  And Nick can be calm knowing that he doesn't have to question when dinner will be on any given day.  Once again, the true step for me will be the actual "doing". 

My blog name has never rung more true.

There have been many times over the last year that I have thought about blogging again.  But, I could never find the time.  Or, never make the time.  And even then, what would I write about?  Nothing interesting was happening.  Nothing exciting.  Nothing new.

Now, here I am blogging again.  What is different this time? Everything.  I am literally trying to get by just one mess at a time.  We moved apartments and nothing is set up right.  My marriage is on the rocks.  My 2.5 year old is going on 14 and tests me everyday.  And, my physical and emotional health has never been worse.

So, starting right now that is going to change.  I am going to change it.  There is so much that I want to do and so many times I have stopped myself with excuses and self doubt, but I will make a change.  I will make changes for myself, for my marriage, for my husband, for my daughter, and for our family.  I hope that blogging about these things will keep me focused, accountable, and proud of the things that I know I will accomplish.

Something I Never Thought I Would Say.

For years and years, Nick and I have talked about what our family would look like. It always had me at home with the kid(s).  Always.  We both were convinced that was our ideal.  But, things happen, and I went back to work.

Here is the biggest shock of my life.  I love being a working Mom.  Love it.  But, I also know that there are many reasons why I can say that.  First of all, I love where I work.  I haven't been able to say that in a long time.  The school that I work for is amazing and I have great coworkers.  I look forward to going to work everyday.  I feel appreciated and enjoy what I am doing while I am there.  Plus, working with students is very rewarding (even though I am not in a teaching position).  I am so very thankful that I sent them my resume on a whim; I feel like it was meant to be.

Secondly, I was able to stay home with Penelope for her first 15 months.  She was like a 5th limb to me!  I know that if I had to go back to work when she was still tiny, it would not have been nearly as easy. I feel like we really got to know each other in that first year and she truly trusts that I will do whatever is best for her.  I think this really helped when our routine changed.  And now, she loves spending her weekends with Momma!

Third, and probably most importantly, the childcare that we have is the best we could hope for.  Nick's Mom watches her twice a week, and one of my oldest friends watches her in her home daycare for the other 3 days.  Penny loves both of the people watching her, and they love her.  She gets to play with her cousin a few days and week, and with several of her friends, too.  While she still cries a little when I leave, and the first few weeks were really hard, I love leaving and seeing her cuddling with my Mother-in-law or friend.  She knows that she is safe with them, and we didn't even have to think twice about sending her there.  That kind of stress was totally taken away from me.

Overall, the last few months have been an interesting adjustment.  We don't spend too much time together on weekdays, but I try to make up for it on weekends.  We are still figuring out how to time things in the morning before work and at night.  Mornings feel pretty hectic with showering, lunch making, and making sure I have my stuff and Penny has everything she needs for the day.  I look like a bag lady when we walk out the door, and many times I am eating breakfast and doing my makeup in the parking lot at work.  But, we will get the hang of it soon.  And in the meantime, we are all happier.

Going Back to Work

So, we have reached a point where it's time for me to think about going back to work.  This is such a heavy decision for me and in a lot of ways it is going to completely change our lives.

Penelope will be almost 16 months when I go back.  Up until that point, the longest that I have been away from her while she has been awake is maybe 3 hours.  I am so anxious about this change for both of us.  Luckily, I have a really great friend who runs a home daycare, and I know Penny will be in good hands with her.  I am sure that the transition will go smoother than I am imagining in my head, at least for her.  I fear that I am going to be a mess.  Starting a new job, and being without my girl for the first time in her life is going to throw me for a loop.

But, me bringing in some extra money will make a big difference to our family.  We will be able to use that money for extras, since that just really isn't in the budget with one income.  We can look into buying a house and getting Nick's business off the ground.  We will be able to go out and do things with Penny this winter that we otherwise wouldn't be able to do.  We can travel a little and go see my family who are all far away.  We won't have to stress about every dollar we spend.  And, selfishly, I can get some new clothes!

I am also still breastfeeding, and I am not really sure how to tackle that part.  She currently nurses a lot in the morning, before naps, before bed, and any other time she might ask for it.  We are going to be limited to nursing in the morning and after work now.  I know we will adjust, and that it's only going to decrease the older she gets, so I am alright with that.

All in all, I am excited to get back to work (assuming that I do get hired). I think the social and brain stimulation will be good for me.  I know that it will make me a happier wife.  Now, here is hoping that I can find a position with the right kind of schedule and pay!

Nap Training at 14.5 Months

I am either a glutton for punishment or I really just wanted to cherish Penny's baby nap stage.  She has literally been taking naps on me everyday for her whole life.  There were some brief periods when she was little where I could get her to sleep in the rock n play or pack n play, or even on my bed occasionally (before she could stand up and run off the edge).  Now, she is just too old to be held for every nap.  Not only that, but now that she's a pretty demanding toddler, I find that I really need the break to get a few things done!

So, since we had already sleep trained at night, I knew that she could sleep in her crib successfully.  Plus, I have been applying for jobs for the fall, and I don't want her to be going off to daycare for the first time not knowing how to nap.  So, starting as soon as our house guests were gone and we were back in our normal routine, I gave it a try.

It has been a week now and I consider it a success.  She now takes two short naps a day (about 45 minutes or 1 sleep cycle) and does have to cry a little to get herself to sleep.  We do the same thing that we do at night.  I take her into her room, turn on her ocean wonder projector, nurse, and sometimes read a book if she asks for it.  Then, I kiss her and tell her it's time to lay down and take a nap now.  She doesn't like this, and does cry, but only for about 5 or so minutes and then she is asleep all on her own.  She has been teething pretty hard, so we did have a day or two where she just would not go to sleep, so I went and got her and we played and tried again the next day.

I am relieved that she is sleeping in her crib now.  I am also feeling some sadness as her napping on me was really one of the last of the baby type things that she still does.  Once she weans, I know that she will really be my big girl and much less my little baby.

Did You Miss Me?

I swear, when I think about the things that I want to always do during the day, blogging is one of them.  But then, when I sit down to do something it is the one thing that always gets pushed!  I have so many things to share from the last couple of months, and will be making some big changes soon (I hope!).  I look forward to sharing all of that.

In the meantime, two of my sisters left yesterday after a 3 week long visit.  It was great to have them around and Penny just LOVED them.  She hadn't seen them since October and November and this time she could say their names and call out for them when she wanted them.  This also means that now that they are gone, she is still calling out for them and breaking my heart!  But, we had a great visit and they really got to see her change a lot in the last 3 weeks.  She went from taking steps to exclusively walking while they were here, and she also learned lots of new words (one of them being "no")!  

I will be posting more specific things this week.  I hope to really stick with it this time! :)

Penelope is a Year Old!!

*disclaimer* I began writing this on her birthday...but my computer died.  So thanks to my Daddy-o, I am up and running on my new chromebook and ready to blog away!

Was this already a year ago?  Where in the world did the time go?  Penny's birthday was on the 7th, and I can hardly believe it.  What I can believe is how much she has changed, how much more my love for her grows each day, and how perfect I think she is!

So, at one year, Ms. Penny is becoming smarter everyday.  Some of her new words are "fishy" when she wants a goldfish cracker, "that" when she sees something she likes, "cheese" when I pull out my phone (camera) or she really wants to eat some cheese, "nawnaw" which is Penny speak for Minnie Mouse, and now she is full fledged saying "Momma" when she sees me or a picture of me.

She loves puppies and babies and will shriek the word "baby" over and over again if she gets excited about her doll, or a baby that we see at the store or on TV.  She had a meltdown where she cried big, fat tears over a magazine page that had a picture of a baby on it.  She was chewing it so I took it away and she was just SO sad.  She "woofs" at every puppy that she sees!

She is much more affectionate towards Momma and Daddy now, and will (most of the time) give us hugs and kisses on command.  If she doesn't want to, she furrows her brow and shakes her head "no".  She gets super excited when she hears Daddy's keys opening the door and gives him a great big smile when he walks in the door.

Sleep has been AMAZING since we crib trained.  I have woken up overnight to nurse maybe once, and she sleeps in her crib all night from about 7-5.  We are both sleeping so much better, but Daddy says that he misses her in our bed (but it wasn't affecting his sleep!!).

And, now for the stats.  Penny was born at 7lbs 6oz and 22 inches long.  At her 1 year appointment she was 23lbs 4oz and 32 inches.  She is so very tall.  She is wearing 18m and 24m clothes, and some 2T even! And, she's wearing at least a size 4.5 shoe, but most of the ones I have on her are a size 5.  She has 6 teeth, 3 on the top and the bottom.

For her 1 year picture, I put her in the dress I wore in my one year photos. She looked adorable in it, but it was hard for her to crawl around in!  On her birthday, we took her to the zoo for the first time.  She really loved it, and brought home a giraffe souvenir, as you can see in the picture.  Since several of my friends had babies around the same time as me, we went to a lot of birthday parties in the last couple months.  The picture of her and I is from a friend's son's party, and the crown was because she was the almost birthday girl!

One Year Later and Everything Has Changed

As I was looking through pictures in order to make a slideshow for Penelope's birthday, I stumbled across this beauty...

41 weeks pregnant!

This picture was taken on April 29, 2012. I am on the phone, probably with my midwife or the hospital.  We were going for non-stress tests every few days.  Looking back at this picture reminds me so much of what I was going through during those last few weeks of pregnancy.  Penelope was due on April 23rd.  That day came, and then was long gone, before we knew it.  Nick and I had NO idea how much our life was really going to change.  And, it did in so many wonderful ways.

As soon as we saw our sweet little girl, we were new people.  We were no longer just Marjorie and Nick; we were now Momma and Daddy, too.  We began focusing all of our attention on the tiny human we were raising.  And now, we can hardly remember what it was like before she was in our life.  We both feel like we have known her forever.  It's amazing how we had 8 years with just Nick and I, and only one as a family of three, but it feels like a lifetime.

Over the last year, we have fallen in love with our baby every single day.  She is honestly the light in our days.  We feel complete with her and look forward to seeing her smile each morning when she wakes up.  We used to focus on ourselves, or each other, completely.  Now, we are always thinking of Penelope's needs above our own.  She is our everything, and I can't believe that we have only had a year together.


Our baby will be a year old in a week.  And, I seriously cannot believe it.

So Much Clutter

Today, I spent a lot of time in my living room trying to get rid of some of our clutter. There is stuff everywhere! I am trying to get better about just getting rid of things if I can't find a place for it. It's hard though! My plan is to go room by room and FINALLY get a handle on it all. Penny is going to be walking soon and I don't want to have to chase her out of every room that's not decluttered!
And, since this is a short random post, here is a random picture of my sweet girl.

Penelope's 11 Month Update

Ms. Penny is 11 months old. I can hardly believe how fast this year has just FLOWN by! This time next month, I will have a one year old. Honestly, I try not to think ahead to that these days because it makes me pretty weepy!
So, Penny has changed so much this month! She now has 4 teeth, as her top two came in just before Easter. Her hair is getting a little bit longer, but still no where near being able to put it in a ponytail or even a bow. I also think she had a growth spurt because suddenly her shoes are no longer fitting and her pants are a little too short.
We have had a big milestone this month, as she started sleeping in her crib! I still seem to be waking up at the times she used to wake to eat, so I hope my sleep gets back on track soon. Last night, she did her longest stretch of sleep in her crib yet (obviously to celebrate being 11 months old). She went to bed at 7:15 and didn't really get up again until 5:15! Then, she came to bed to nurse.
For food, she is still nursing and eating mostly purees. But, we have giver her some different food this month, too. She LOVES broccolli, so whenever we have that for dinner she will have some, too. She has had shredded cheese this month, and also goldfish crackers. She would literally snack all day long if I let her!
She learned the sign for "milk" this month, and is pretty good about using it to tell me she wants to nurse. But, sometimes I also think she uses it to mean "hold me" even though she certainly knows the difference. Now, when I ask her if she wants milk she will sign for it. And then when she has latched on, she will stick her hand in my face while signing and I will say "Yes, Penny. Milk". It's pretty amazing what she can understand!
Since the weather is somewhat warming up, we have taken her to the park a couple of times. She loves the swing. She giggles when I push her, and holds on and pumps her legs like a big girl. I can't wait to take her more this summer.
All in all, she is still the sweetest little baby. She smiles at everyone she meets and waves like crazy. At the breastfeeding group we go to, she waves like she's in a parade to everyone when we get there. She even waved "bye bye" to one of the babies who had to leave while she was nursing. She didn't miss a beat, just stuck her arm out and waved while continuing to nurse. It was very funny! She loves the reaction she can get from smiling and waving at someone.

Penny's Love/Hate Relationship with Her Swing

I was given a very nice swing by a friend of my Mom's before Penny was born. I had a hard time figuring out where to put it, because it has a pretty big footprint. My Mom suggested putting it in the kitchen so that while I am cooking and cleaning she has a safe place to be. So, that's where it went.

Now, I had visions of my tiny newborn being lulled off to dreamland by the slow rocking of our swing. This was so not the case for us. She didn't ever want to sleep in it, and usually when I put her in it she would freak. But, it still came in handy for many reasons. The seat itself is detachable. This became the place she would hang out in the bathroom while I was in the shower. When she got a little older, the built in toy bar kept her entertained. It's now where she sits while we eat dinner since it is right next to our table. I feed her purees while she's in her swing. I still bring the seat into the bathroom when I shower. And now, at nearly 11 months, it seems she likes to nap in it! I turn on the radio, start doing dishes and running the dishwasher and she's slumped over and out like a light!

The swing was not the newborn lifesaver for me that it was for others, but now, I am very thankful for the naps while I clean! Did you have gear that you didn't expect to use for so long?

Crib Training at 10.5 Months

As you may have read in my last post, Penny has been sleeping in our bed almost exclusively for the last few months. We knew that we should get her into her crib sooner than later, as she is getting bigger and taking up more and more space in our bed. We wanted to start the transition at 9 months, but teething and a month of colds kept us holding off. So, this week, we finally lowered the crib and figured out our strange heating system to keep her room warm enough and gave it a shot!

Now, a little backstory on our previous bedtime "routine". Penny would hang with us until she seemed very tired, then we would go to bed and nurse until she fell asleep. Sometimes it would take 15 minutes, sometimes an hour. Then, as soon as I got out of bed, she would wake up and we would start all over. Usually she would get to sleep around 9:30-10. Now, after only 4 days (!!) we have a much more predictable bedtime.

The first night, I nursed her well and layed her into her crib (for the first time) around 7:30. I turned on her ocean wonders projector/music player so that I didn't just leave her in the dark alone. She cried hard for 10 minutes, then fussed for another 30 or so minutes until she fell asleep. She woke up and went back to sleep several times before ending up in our bed around 11.

Night two was much easier. Again, I nursed her, layed her down turned on her noise/light machine, and left the room. She fussed the whole time the machine was on, but literally as soon as it was off, she fell asleep. I nursed her again for comfort at 9:30, then rubbed her belly at 10:30 to get her back to sleep. She was in our bed around 1.

Day three was harder because we had a friend over. She didn't go down as easily, and I had to go in after 10 minutes to nurse her again. She was in our bed at 10:30.

Night four (last night) was the best so far. I did the nurse, lay down, machine routine at 7:30. I noticed that she was almost showing me she was ready for bed for the first time in her life. She stopped nursing and started to make the same fussing noise that she does while laying in her crib. She was asleep in 15 minutes. It was also the first time I was EVER able to leave during bedtime. I went out with a friend without having to worry about her needing to be nursed back down again! She slept, without waking up, until 1!

Overall, I am SO glad that we bit the bullet to sleep/crib train! I know that every family is different, and so is every baby. She gets more worked up when we go in to check on her, so we chose to use the extinction method (which is something I NEVER thought I would do). Did you sleep train? When did you baby first sleep in their crib?

One Mom's Sleep Journey

When I was pregnant, there was literally one thing I said I would never do.

"Penelope will never sleep in our bed"

Fast forward to our first night home from the hospital, and right away, I ate my words. Actually, the nurses had her sleeping in my hospital bed with me, so I didn't even make it home! I was a mess from labor and delivery, and working on getting a good milk supply. Plus, my tiny baby was so sweet and snuggly and attched to me that she didn't want to be put down and I didn't want to put her down! Just typing that sentence, and I swear I can smell her tiny newborn smell. So, for the first 8 weeks, I slept sitting up in bed either holding her in my arms, or with her laying on my chest. I wasn't ready for her to lay next to me yet...she was just too fragile to me!!

Then, one fateful day, my good friend Heather passed along a baby sleep miracle. The Fisher-Price Rock N Play Sleeper. That first night, we swaddled her and put her into the Rock N Play after she fell asleep nursing. She slept for 7 hours strait!! It was glorious and I was a new woman. For a while, we had some great nights sleep with her in the RnP next to our bed. She would sleep for hours at a time, and when she needed to nurse, I could put her down again and she would stay sleeping! I loved it, and she did, too.

Then, we hit the 4 month sleep regression. She did not want to sleep, or be put down. It took HOURS to get her to sleep, and then as soon as we put her down, she would wake up. She also began arching her back and sitting up around this time. So, moved from the RnP to the Pack N Play with a bassinet level next to our bed. At this point, she would sleep until midnight or one in there, and then would come to bed with me to nurse (while laying down so I could continue to sleep...it was the ONLY way).

Unfortunately, my snuggle monster decided she wanted to sleep with Mommy all night somewhere around 6 months. So, I began nursing her to sleep on our bed and then leaving to watch TV with Nick and get some baby free time. I would slide her over, and usually nurse her again since she would likely wake up in the moving process, and we would sleep. During the night, she was free to nurse whenever she needed and I hardly even woke up!

This brings us to now. She is nearly 11 months old, and getting bigger everyday. She likes to sleep with an arm or her legs up on me at all times and she gets super hot at night. While I love having her next to me in many ways, it is wearing on me. I have had to sleep on my right side nearly all night for 6 months. I am constantly monitoring Nick's snoring and movement so he doesn't wake her up, and I am getting less and less space in the bed. Plus, I am the only one that can do bedtimes, and I have to be home with her all night. So, for these reasons, we are switching Penny to the crib in her room. The goal is to get her to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own. Oh, and to sleep in our bed for as little of the night as possible.

We started last night, and I fully plan on writing another blog post all about our sleep training adventures. As for now, I am laying on my left side and sprawling out while Penny is in her crib! Did you sleep train? Did you ever co-bed with your baby?

Penelope's 10 Month Updates

Hard to believe that we are fast approaching Penny's first birthday! I feel like time is just flying by. As of yesterday, she is now 10 months old!
I think she is getting more and more fun everyday. She will mimic what we say to her, and is saying several words on her own (teddy, puppy, daddy, hi, baby, and sometimes Momma). Along with verbal speech, she knows and uses two signs (for "more" and "all done"). But, lately, she has been siging more to mean "I want some food" when she sees the box of cheerios or bag of puffs. Even when she is not using it totally right, she gets her point across!
She loves people, but especially other babies and children. We are working on telling her to "be gentle" or "do nice" because she can be a little grabby. And, she makes every baby she meets cry with her excited shreiks! She loves to look at pictures of babies, or bsbies on the tv. This includes the baby in the mirror!
She is dancing when she hears music, either by shrugging her shoulders or wiggling her bottom. Now, she can not only crawl, but pull herself up in her pack n play! She has become so much more mobile and fearless in the last few weeks.
As for food, I am still breastfeeding her, day and night.  I have just started feeding her 3 solid meals a day. So, I will give her baby oatmeal mixed with a jar of baby food fruit for breakfast. Then, baby food veggies for lunch and baby food veggies mixed with baby food meat for dinner. Throughout the day, she'll have cheerios, yogurt melts, or freeze dried fruit for a snack. She loves to feed herself these things. If we are out to dinner, she does very well with table food, too. If I feed her some off my plate, it keeps her content so I can eat:)
She is such a big girl, with 12m clothes being too short, but most 18m clothes being too big in the waist! She is wearing a size 4 shoes which means most of the ones we had are too small already!
She is such a joy. I feel like I have known her my whole life and I can hardly remember life before her.
Edited to add: Penny has her 2 bottom middle teeth. She is not sleeping through the night, but she is down to one 2am wakeup (i think). We are still cobedding, so her wakeups to nurse are pretty uneventful; I hardly remeber them.

Cleaning With a 9 Month Old

I am lucky. Penny does pretty well entertaining herself. She will play in her excersaucer for hours if I would let her. Yesterday, I wanted to tackle some of my bedroom, by far the worst room on the house. Now, I have tried wearing her on my back in the ergo while doing dishes and things before, but today I needed just me (plus, the ergo was in Nick's truck. So, I stuck Penny in her pack n play, in the doorway where she could still see me, and went to work!
How do you clean with little ones? Do you wait until they are napping?

A Grand Blog Reintroduction

I have been thinking about this blog and have been wanting to begin blogging regularly again, but I just wasn't sure where to start.  So, after some thinking, I have decided that a grand reintroduction will be a good way to start!

When I first started this blog, I was a single girl, living with my boyfriend in a new apartment and trying to get a hold of my clutter.  Now, I am am a married Mom of a sweet, little, nearly 10 month old girl.  We are still living in the same apartment, and now with a baby, there is more clutter than ever!  Over the last three or so years, there have obviously been some big changes in my life.  One thing that remains the same is my struggle with the mess.  It's everywhere.  Although I have made some improvements, cleanliness is still something that just doesn't come easy to me.  So, I still plan on blogging quite a bit about the mess, as I did when I first began this blog.

There are some other messes in my life, too.  Miss Penelope can be quite a mess herself.  She is a messy eater, her sleep is a mess, and don't get me started on the clothes.  But, she is the best kind of mess I have ever known.  Being a Mom is truly the greatest thing I have ever done in my life.  But, it has quite a learning curve.  There are some many things that I never knew before I had my own baby, even though I thought being the oldest of 5 had me well prepared.  Marriage can be a mess, too.  It's true when they say that it's not easy.  Nick and I are happier than we have ever been, but there are messes in our marriage, too.  When Nick begins fishing again for the season, it will mean we have very little time together.  Prioritizing family time and "us" time is something that we are continuously working on.  Having a baby has added an interesting dynamic to our marriage.  We love each other, but now we have this little one that we love in a totally different way.  It adds to the love that we have, but it also competes with it at times.  And then there is me.  Sometimes, I feel like I am the biggest mess of them all.  My body has been through hell and back in the last 18 months, and I am still feeling the effects of carrying a baby in me for 9 months, and outside me for another 9 months.  I feel like I look like a mess most days of the week.  And, on the inside, I have many feelings and emotions about motherhood and wifehood that make me a mess a lot of the time, too.

So, I'm Marjorie.  This is One Mess at a Time.  I hope that you'll join me as I continue to blog about the messes (and joys!) in my life!

A New Mom's Isolation

Penelope is now 6 months old.  This is unreal to me that half a year just flew by the way that it did.  I keep thinking that I should be feeling more secure as a Mom now, but I have been having overwhelming feelings of isolation lately.  I know that in many ways, this is due to my nature of being a homebody.  It's getting to the point that friends have reached out to me to say that they are worried about me.  I feel like I am really struggling with this and I think there are a few big things that have set me up to feel isolated.

• My family is far away.  In the early days, my Mom was with us for the first week or so of Penny's life.  This was so helpful for me.  It was nice to have someone to chat with all day.  Then, when Penny was 8 weeks old, my Mom and Step-Dad and all my siblings came to visit for a week, with my youngest sister staying with us for nearly a month.  Since then, one of my sister came to visit a week or so ago and it was so nice to have her company.  I think that for me, family are the people that I feel like I could just go and sit in their house with them and truly not feel like a burden to them.

• Nick has had a very demanding work schedule since just about the day Penny was born.  He has been working long days with very few days off for months.  When he gets home, he just wants to eat dinner and go to sleep.  I want to talk to him and get some adult interaction.  On our days off together, it feels so nice to have someone to talk to.

• I am exclusively breastfeeding.  Penny doesn't like to take a bottle.  This means that I can't easily just leave her with someone and say "give her a bottle when she fusses".  This doesn't mean that I can't take her out with me, since it's actually very easy to not have to pack a bag full of bottles and things before we go.  

• I am not working, so our financial situation is different than it has been.  I have struggled to find things to do that are free or cost very little, although I know they are around.  We have been attending a story-time at the library and just started going to a breastfeeding support group (that I wish I would have gone to months ago!).  Sometimes, I will still just go to the stores to look around!

For me, the hardest part about feeling this way is knowing that it is OK to allow myself to feel like this.  I am going through one of the biggest transitions of my life.  I am responsible for another life.  And, just because I am feeling isolated and not as happy as I should, doesn't mean that I don't love my daughter or that I am not a good Mom.  Penny needs for me to be feeling my best to be the best Mom that I can.  I have been trying to make sure that I do somethings that make me happy lately.  I have started to make other Mom friends, many of who feel the same way as me.I have a great group of online friends that have been a sounding board for one another since we were pregnant.  The biggest thing I have to do now is figure out how to get out of this isolation funk.  Nick has encouraged me to find things that I like to do and do them!  I would like to blog more.  I am going to start to play pick up volleyball again.  I am going to work on picking up the phone and trying to make walking or coffee dates with Mom friends.  I know that I will get through this.I have the sweetest little girl I ever could have asked for, and it is really a joy to be her Mom.

I Have a 6 Month Old...

...and a very, very neglected blog.


There are days when I think that I could write an interesting blog post, but most of the things that I can think to write about would just be complaints about things that aren't going my way.  These last 6 months with my sweet girl have been wonderful, but really trying.  Being a little person's life line is exhausting some days.  Especially when they are teething, have a cold, want to nurse all day long, and cry sad tears when you put them down.  It's been one of those days today.

Hopefully soon I can continue to write about my journey to a cleaner home, as it's even more of a challenge now with a little one and all her stuff!  I am working on it everyday though, like always!